Understanding Him a Little Bit Better

For the last few weeks I've been determined to eat well.  I'm staying away from sweets  and refined carbs.  I'm also working to get everyone around here to eat more fruits and vegetables.  Overall it's a lifestyle choice that I like so it hasn't been too hard.  But yesterday I had an off morning with some friends and I came home from my morning at the park feeling emotionally unstable.  I had a huge urge to dive into the pantry and self sooth with comfort foods.  I wanted to eat away that nagging feeling that I was not as good as the other ladies I had been hanging out with.  I wanted to eat my out of feeling hurt.  Cognitively I could see where I was at.  I knew if I ate it would be out of an emotional craving, not out of actual hunger, and I was determined to not give in.  I worked around it by playing a few songs on the piano, looking around the web a bit, trying to take a nap, and sadly sisters in the end, I gave in.  I was so bugged that I couldn't feel better on my own, that after 40 minutes or so I went to the pantry and deliberately grabbed as many triscuits as I could hold in my hot little hands.  I knew I was choosing to escape through food rather than deal with my emotions, but it just didn't seem to matter anymore.

Ok, so big deal.  But it taught me some compassion and I could see how when my husband feels those emotional voids, how the urge to just "make it all go away" could be so tempting.  He has told me about how he fights, fights, and fights, but the urges eventually wear him down.  I don't think it justifies his behavior, but it helps me see into his struggle a little bit better. One day at a time.

It's Been One of Those Days

Today was hard. I took the day to feel my emotions and didn't try to rush past the sadness.  By the end of the day I was ready to move past it, but felt stuck.  You know how it is, right?

I listened to a interview by Sheri Dew on the Mormon Channel to escape reality just a little longer and found a gem of advice perfect for me at that moment.  Just as the interviewer is winding down things she asks Sheri,

Heidi Swinton: If you today could counter the voices that are out there telling women , “Do this; Do that; Look at it this way; Look at it that way; Dress this way; Dress that way; Live here; Live there -- All of the voices that are trying to command the Lord’s daughters on earth today—What would you tell them?

Sheri Dew: I would probably say to them, that if they really want to be happy and to feel a sense of peace about their lives that the only way to do that is to find out what God has in store for them. 

HS: It’s that simple.

SD: Where does Heavenly Father want me to be? What does He want me to do? I get questions all of the time.  'Please talk to my daughter cause she’s not married yet either'…and that’s probably an obvious target for someone because they see that I’m not married yet, but the bottom line is that everyone of us, everyone of us, has heartbreaks. That we have to deal with.  Or disappointments that frankly it just doesn’t feel like we’ve gotten an answer yet from the Lord.  We’ve prayed, and prayed, and prayed, and prayed, and we don’t yet know the answers.  That’s a common thing of the human experience.  Disappointment, loneliness, pain, heartbreak: we are all going to have some degree of it.  And the only solution to any of that is, Am I where the Lord want me to be? Am I doing what He wants me to do? That’s what brings peace.  That’s what brings confidence. 

With those simple questions I was able to shift my focus from sorrow about my husband's choices, to pondering my own position in the Lord's eyes.  Have I followed the Lord's promptings? Am I where I need to be?  Am I learning the lessons He is tailoring for me? That shift in perspective helped so much.

I also appreciated her perspective on the universality of heartbreak. Sometime I get so down and feel like my lot in life is overly difficult.  But I could see through her words, though the trial changes for each one of us, the feeling of heartbreak -- soul sobbing, gut wrenching, disappointment or hurt -- is central to our existence on earth.  That is why Christ said He came to heal the broken hearted. 

I hope if you are having one of those days, you can find peace from her words too.