Sunday, July 27, 2014

Part of this Circle

I'm a WOPA.  I don't really like the title, I certainly don't like what it means, but it's part of who I am.  My husband views porn compulsively and after five years of dealing with it, we are finally achieving a kind of peace.  We talk occasionally, he works on it privately, and I don't obsess about it.  It's not ideal.  Ideal would be him being porn free and telling me often that he is winning the battle.  But it's peaceful and I am at a place where I feel like my life is happy and functional.  I'm not in the depths of despair every two to three weeks according to his relapses.  He's doesn't fear me, I don't curse him, and we are working on our marriage in ways other than, "are you sober?"  The porn addiction doesn't consume my time and attention like it did for many years after the hard realities hit.  I'm a mom of four, and frankly, I don't have the time to pour over internet histories or read articles wondering why he isn't the one googling ways to quit. Yet, I do still come here to our little corner of the internet every so often because I want to see how you ladies are doing. There are so many women that I've silently followed and rooted for and I just want all of you to know that I'm still here.  I'm doing well and I wanted to share because stories like ours can have such tragic endings.  My story, like everyone's, is far from over.  I have doubts about the future of my marriage often and I feel fear and hurt more than I'd care to admit.  But on so many, many days I feel love and joy.  Love for my kids, love for my husband.  Joy in my marriage and hope for the future.  Life is good.  


  1. I related so much to your post. This sounds so like where I am right now. Best of luck for your future.

  2. I'm a WOPA as well. My hubby's currently under the GreatnessAhead therapy program and though I admit that things are way better now than what we had to go through the past 3 years, I agree that I've also come to the point where I prefer to smell the rose instead of feeling the thorn. Like you I've realized that I've been missing a lot from my kids if I focus solely on my husband so shrugging off the painful memories, negative thoughts and fears of the unknown in a way strengthens me. Thanks and hoping the best for you and your family.

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